The Anti-Gross Candidate

My dear constituants,

All of you have no doubt at some time, either through gym class or sport, experienced the horror that is the wrestling room. It is the type of room you'd expect to find cheesy, 1980's scary movie serial killers in. Ceiling tiles are missing, there are holes in the walls that have been left unpatched, the windows are constantly open (even in the frigid winter weather), and worst of all there are hairs littering the floor. Because of the latter, there are also constant complaints at the volume of the hairs, usually in the form of whining. All of this makes for an extremely unpleasant experience. Now imagine, just for a moment, if just one of those issues were remedied, how much happier the class would be. The wrestling room is an analogy for the whole school. Everywhere you look, there is worn wooden cabinets, dirty linolleum, peeling viynl baseboards, broken tiles, and skid-marked walls. It detracts from the schools fine academic reputation, and lowers both the staff and the student's pride in this fine school. Today, I make a vow. If I am elected to school council, I promis, no, vow, to bring the shcool to glory. So prepare, my constituants, to once again respect and admire your school.

Potty Talk

Today I write to all my lovely constituants about a most grievous issue going on in our school as I write. That issue is the bathroom. Nobody wants to discuss behind the door with the little man or woman icon, but too much time has gone by and I've decided to step up to the plate and do something! We have all lived in squalor and disrepair no more! Not under my rule, that is. If I am elcected as your senator, I will ensure the following-

1. In the men's room, some urinals will go up! Now, we men who are taller than 5'3 can enjoy them with comfort, ease, and no worry that one will be revealing themselves.

2. Those worthless, piece of rubbish hand dryers will be banished from the world of Hinsdale Central bathrooms! No longer shall they waste energy and leave our hands as wet as they were when we washed them! Instead, they shall be replaced with something that actually works.

3. Cleanliness! Even if I have to go there myself, and scrub those floors with a toothbrush, I will promise you all a clean bathroom, one that you won't have to fear entering.

My constituants, if you vote for me, brighter cleaner days will come. Vote for cleanliness, vote for the good of the world, vote for Max!